2/26/2014

Victim? or CONQUEROR?

Whenever you experience trauma... an accident, a diagnosis of disease, you've been cheated on, you've lost control of your finances, there is a massive shift that takes place. YES, can mean a full blown IDENTITY CRISIS~ I've been going through one for 1 1/2 years since my fall.  My intention in writing this is to help anyone who reads my blog and is going through any kind of dilemma, to recognize the confidence stripping power of adopting a "victim mentality", as suitable as it may seem. We received so much charity, thousands of prayers, cleaning of our house, meals, gifts for our children, kind words, garage sales in our medical bill behalf, lemonade stands and bake sales, etc. What an awe inspiring moment in our lives. I started to see myself, and my family, as somewhat of a "charity case". I remembered telling my husband Nick, "I'm scared to get well, we owe so much back to our family, friends, and community. HOW will we ever repay?" Also, I expained to Him, "If I get well, more will be expected of me, and what if I can't deliver?! I'm so scared. Right now people expect that I can't do anything. If they see me healing and getting better, back to my old self, they will expect that I can do EVERYTHING!... and I can't." Nicholas was majorly concerned.  "Jamie, this will thwart your healing." And  it would've. Luckily he helped me through this predicament, and I am 95% healed. It has caused me to ponder deeply about this "victim/fear mentality". Although at the time I was going through the devastation, I felt that staying the victim was my safest option, I mean we were over $150,000 in medical debt, I was half headless, my children and husband were traumatized beyond recognition, it seemed like a safe option to wallow and remain in this state.  The sympathy and empathy that we received was overwhelming, honestly, it touched us deeply. What was going to happen when the "over"- empathizing was over. It WAS scary and it seemed much safer, and comfortable to remain in my suffering state. But it WASN'T. In choosing to heal, and seeing that being the CONQUEROR is amazingly better than being and remaining a victim. I no longer need the scapegoat of my injury.  I recognize this victim mentality, and energy immediately now, in myself, when I slide back, and in others. I place NO judgement, but a strong understanding. In a sense, I now feel empathy, because I comprehend the deep sense of a loss of self. How am I changing and shifting my thoughts back to true and empowered thinking? I made a choice. No more was I going to rely on my accident as my identity. I broke free of the bounds and limits and seeming safety. Changing my mind, settling into my power to heal and change. This has given me the strength to press forward, and do things on my own that I didn't believe were possible. There is a peace and a power that you will experience as you step into your capabilities with confidence and responsibility. xo

3 comments:

  1. Jamie, once again so inspirational. don't doubt yourself or being a "charity case". you were the instrument in which heavenly father could show his mercy and love and allow the rest of us to get over our selfishness, shortsightedness and look to the truly important things, helping others in need. we need to thank you for allowing us to grow and care again...
    -Randy

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  2. Always remember that all was done to help you recover to as close as you were to "baseline." And what is sharp contrast baseline had become after becoming a queen/ambassador for your state and country -how would you ever return to that. Besides being a successful strong mother and wife you were probably at your peak health and fitness also just before your accident. getting back to normal when you felt like a superhuman....if you do not do your best to recover then all that was done- was in vain. Just know that everyone contributed what they could to help you to the common goal of getting "well." So to truly make others happy and feel satisfied about the giving and contributions -you should do just that- get well....and not feel bad and not look back. That makes your loved ones and donors feel satisfied and happy. Complete. someday you may complete the circle for someone else

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  3. here is the real miracle caught on tape must watch....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bwkmlrYShY

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